The Most Dramatic Podcast Yet

Bachelor Tea Spill: Pickleball Showdowns and the Mystery of the Missing Boom Boom Room!

Christel Bartelse and Paul Constable Season 6 Episode 5

Ever wonder what happens when Bachelor Nation has a pickleball showdown? Or what secret revelations emerge from a 'Never Have I Ever' game that completely turns the tide? Well, strap in, listeners, because we're about to spill some hot tea from the October 20th episodes of Golden Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise. Get ready for a wild ride through the rollercoaster of Teresa's upset, Gerry and Leslie's relationship, a curious pair of female legs, and the mystery of the missing Boom Boom Room.

Can we digest the awkwardness of Peter and Olivia's spa date, or the love triangle between John B, Eliza, and Aaron without a heavy dose of humor? Absolutely not! We'll tickle your funny bones with our candid takes on these developing love stories and more. And did we mention our theories about the frontrunners? You'll be on the edge of your seats as we dissect each contender's chances and the curious case of a mysterious dog that just appeared out of nowhere. 

As we wind down, we'll get down to some serious talk about the nuances of Brayden and Rachel's relationship. Is a new bond forming or is there more than what meets the eye? We'll also delve into the drama surrounding Kat's birthday and the baffling disappearance of the Boom Boom Room. Plus, could it be Katie, the former Bachelorette who's the owner of those mysterious legs? Join us for our humorous, candid, and all-too-real discussions on all things Bachelor. Trust us, you won't want to miss it!

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Paul Constable:

The most dramatic podcast. The most dramatic podcast.

Christel Bartelse:

The most dramatic podcast. The most dramatic podcast yet. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the most dramatic podcast yet. I'm one of your co-hosts, Crystal Bartelsi.

Paul Constable:

And I'm weatherman,Paul

Christel Bartelse:

Ah, Paul, I wish I wish we had video this week because, to all of our listeners, you are not seeing what I'm seeing. Paul has the most incredible shirt on that I have ever seen, in honor of Brayden and rubber duckies. He has a brilliant let me describe it bright blue shirt with buttons with rubber ducks all over it.

Paul Constable:

It's pretty, it's pretty intense.

Christel Bartelse:

It's amazing.

Paul Constable:

It. I've already been hired by six local weather stations, but they're very specific yeah.

Christel Bartelse:

I also figure. No, I just had a thought you could go and work at a carnival Love that game when you had to fish for the rubber ducks. Yep, yeah. And I feel like you could be a carnival Barker right now with that shirt Amazing, you could also get a job, maybe next summer if that huge rubber duck comes back to Toronto.

Paul Constable:

That's true, that's this is the shirt I'll wear when the duck comes back. You've just, you've just got to get a job.

Christel Bartelse:

You've just, you know you really made a smart purchase there, because there's so many things you can wear that for.

Paul Constable:

I didn't even realize it. I totally didn't realize it at all. I go to mute because I have to cough.

Christel Bartelse:

I feel like. I feel like um sorry, my co-host has just gone down the rubber duck. The shirt was too much, he got excited and now he's just coughing. Yeah, Um, I just want to think about what the equivalent would be that I should buy, Like. I feel like I just have to buy a straight Straight.

Paul Constable:

I was just thinking, yeah, or else you wear a bathing suit, but you just keep telling me you're bloated and that's why you're yeah. Exactly, you just wear one and just keep telling me you're bloated.

Christel Bartelse:

All right, but I got. I got to come back with something pretty strong, but uh again, just to all of our listeners um, it's a fantastic shirt, so you're missing out. But we're going to get a photo of this and we will link it to our podcast episode, so I'm going to go ahead and show you the video I'm going to take a photo of this shirt on my Facebook.

Paul Constable:

Paul's face back, uh face back.

Christel Bartelse:

The shirt is messing with our minds.

Paul Constable:

It's hurting. It's very bright, I also. I feel like I need sunglasses, but Okay, well, um, uh, if I'm going slow, it's because normally the zoom thing shows up Like I can see you, but now I can't see her my notes, so we'll just I'm just looking at my notes, so here we go.

Christel Bartelse:

Oh yeah, something just slowed down. It's like you're in slow motion right now.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, you got slow to weird on my video so that it hopefully doesn't. Uh, maybe it's just destroying zoom. It's too much, I'll turn it off, okay.

Christel Bartelse:

I'm, I'm, uh, I'm out in the country, uh, for this, uh, this episode. So, uh, maybe the wifi is not great, but we'll, we'll try. Um, also, I was just for the 19th time in Prince Edward County. Yeah, paul thinks I dropped that way too many times in the last three days that I was there, but, uh, and back refreshed, um, and then I know I'm dog sitting and it's been a little bit of stress, but, um, it's all good. Uh, we are catching up on the October 20th episodes of Golden, bachelor and VIP.

Paul Constable:

You said that so succinctly, so perfectly. The country air and Prince Edward County has just made you a professional.

Christel Bartelse:

I'm not yet or yes.

Paul Constable:

Okay, uh, you, I can't even see you, so that's a disappointment but I can put it on and I'm back, I'm back, I think Okay.

Christel Bartelse:

Let's, let's just jump in. Yes, All right, and then we we will catch up um very soon on last night's episode, which was, uh, october 26th episode. We're just a little bit behind, but you know, it doesn't matter how late it's been since you listened to our episode. It's always entertaining and fun. So here we go. Uh, october 20th, golden Bachelor. We start with, uh, teresa very upset. Um, she's still upset because she thinks that people are mad at her. And uh, what's her?

Paul Constable:

Yeah, don't. Don't say those kind of things. Like you go to the bedroom with him, don't say that.

Christel Bartelse:

We need to call this episode something to do with Kathy, because Kathy is nasty on this episode.

Paul Constable:

I like Kathy's nasty in this, in this episode. That's great, great title.

Christel Bartelse:

Uh, but we will also say that uh, trista arrives.

Paul Constable:

Trista Sutton.

Christel Bartelse:

And did you know who that was? Right away Cause I, of course.

Paul Constable:

I did. I knew she was well I I just wrote, and maybe it's a Halloween theme this woman signed a deal with the devil 20 years ago. Cause Bachelorette for life. Am I right? But why oh?

Christel Bartelse:

the first Bachelorette. I mean, she will be always remembered as that and she will drop into any episode possible and it's. You know, what blows my mind is that she's now 50. She's either turning 50 or she is 50. And that's when you go, wow, this show has been around for a long time.

Paul Constable:

And I'm about to turn 51. So let's think of it this way. Not that I would encourage it in a relationship to fail, but in 20 years, when she's it's over and she's the golden Bachelorette, then I finally make my move.

Christel Bartelse:

Oh, my God, there we go. I love this, I love it, and you gotta keep that shirt. You gotta keep that shirt.

Paul Constable:

Vision board. Here I go Um. The funny thing is we do remember her as the first Bachelorette. I couldn't tell you who the first Bachelorette was, except I think he had dark hair.

Christel Bartelse:

That I know this. It was my instinct, is to say Andrew Firestone.

Paul Constable:

That's pretty good. Actually, I think that that's yeah.

Christel Bartelse:

Because what they used to do is the first couple of bachelors actually had to be very, very successful and very wealthy. The first couple bachelors were not that the ones now aren't successful or have money to their name, but when the show started I just remember, yeah, they had to be quite wealthy and that's why I do believe we should check that, if Andrew Firestone, I think. I think I just want to trivia point.

Paul Constable:

I know and you know what you get a balloon at the end of this podcast.

Christel Bartelse:

I'd rather have a duck but a balloon.

Paul Constable:

Okay, the woman who read the date card. Her name is Nancy. Did you even recognize her? You have to go way back. But like she stood up and I was like we've never seen this woman before, I swear to God.

Christel Bartelse:

No, I did remember Nancy, because Nancy was the one that one or two episodes ago she did have that wonderful moment with Gary. She was the one that talked about she hadn't worn a wedding dress in so many years.

Paul Constable:

Oh, that's, nancy Okay.

Christel Bartelse:

That was Nancy. That was Nancy, but, if I'm correct, jumping way ahead, nancy goes home this episode.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, you're totally correct. No, no, Well, spoiler alert If you haven't seen it yet. But why would you listen to this verse? I would never understand that. Yeah, but yes, she does eventually go home. So yeah, I kind of remember. I do remember wedding dress Nancy.

Christel Bartelse:

Okay, but now we have a group date, which Nancy is still on. I think I might be missing a name, but I'm pretty sure it's Ellen, sandra, susan, nancy, april, teresa, kathy and Faith. They all have a group date.

Paul Constable:

Mm-hmm, and what do they play?

Christel Bartelse:

They're going to play pickleball.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, a game I have played and picked up, have you? Yeah, my son and I play it, so it's not really a senior's thing, although maybe I don't understand.

Christel Bartelse:

I haven't played, but I don't understand all the rage and I think it's kind of annoying me that it's like all the rage, the sport. It makes me not want to play it. What's so great about it?

Paul Constable:

It's, it's um, yeah, no, I totally get why people are even upset with it. It's just fun for me, because it's something for my son and I to do. I honestly wouldn't mind graduating up to tennis. I used to play a little bit of tennis, but pickleball is a good alternative and we just play it up north at our little profits, which makes me sound like a rich bachelor. But why?

Christel Bartelse:

uh, any idea why it's called pickleball.

Paul Constable:

Um, no, I think the ball itself. Uh, because the holes in it, or something like that. That's another question we can look up. We got original bachelor.

Christel Bartelse:

I just don't like the name I got to tell you my mom, all of her friends, play pickleball, but my mom's always like I don't want to play because I can't stand the name. Why do I want to say pickleball?

Paul Constable:

Yeah, Like I'm just trying to think of a better name for it. Like like, uh like, just um seniors ball. Senior balls Uh poor, poor person's tennis PPT, All right.

Christel Bartelse:

Pickleball. But okay, moving on with pickleball, though. So Joey arrives. Joey will be the next bachelor and he, his relationship to this is because, if you recall, he's a tennis coach, a professional tennis coach. That's right the same thing. He's going to be now a fantastic pickleball coach and, um, you know, they start playing. We've got some team names, such as the, uh, pinky Dinkies, picklicious. Who else did we?

Paul Constable:

call the Picklets and and bitching kitchen Kitchen. I love it, I love it. I have to pause it and rewound to get all those names.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, yeah, I was with you on that. I had to do the same thing. I also liked that most of them have to do with pickleball, except bitching kitchen.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, maybe it should be called bitching ball.

Christel Bartelse:

That would have been a better name. That would have been a better name. But they start playing and then very early on April goes down.

Paul Constable:

Yes so.

Christel Bartelse:

April uh, she goes down. She claims she's brained her ankle, but there's a little wink behind it, so essentially she didn't hurt herself that bad. It just allowed her to have extra time with Gary.

Paul Constable:

I was just thinking, one of the national football players. I mean, I know, we know soccer players are known for taking a dive, but if national football players did it and then the cheerleaders had to come over and give them like a hug to make sure they're okay, that's probably wrong on many levels, they'd all be going down.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, okay, so they start this tournament. Uh, jesse is watching the tournament, gary's watching and of course, trista is also watching.

Paul Constable:

Uh, and then uh, I hope that they made a meme and it's, but that, did you remember the woman getting hit watching pickleball? She got like hit in the chest and I was like what is actually happening right now?

Christel Bartelse:

I know, and does that really hurt?

Paul Constable:

I don't think so I it's not. They're not that like. I don't think they hurt that much. They not even enough to sting.

Christel Bartelse:

Okay, Now the big thing. We can talk about the pickleball tournament, but we're moving through this episode pretty quickly so we can get to VIP. I just have to say the number one thing we need to discuss I can barely talk about it it's the fact that Sandra missed her daughter's wedding.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, no, it's huge, it's totally huge.

Christel Bartelse:

Like I can't. Just as someone who got married, my mother and I are so close, I just can't even have them that my mom is not the biggest day of my life because she goes, doesn't even have a strong chance with some random man and she's playing pickleball.

Paul Constable:

No, I can't. I mean, I thought of my own son and I thought, like it's Trista Sutton, she's seven years old. They've asked me, my son it's 20 years from now. My son is now 32 and it makes sense he could be getting married on that day. And I'm like dude, I got a chance with Trista Sutton. I'm going to ask you know what? You would probably go to bat for me on that and talk to my son and say he really wants this, or can't you? Just, I guess you can't really move weddings, but I think I would turn it down for my son's wedding.

Christel Bartelse:

But also like, yeah, it's so weird, paul, do you not even think, worst case, they could have let her have one day where she left the show?

Paul Constable:

Yeah, and I think everyone would understand, especially on Golden Bachelor, maybe the younger ones, you know they'd be like that's well, none of them would have kids that are getting married. But that would be very strange.

Christel Bartelse:

I know, but I just can't believe like even Gary seemed so taken aback that that Sandra was missing her daughter's wedding. It's actually so weird, and can we just say this is very sad, but Sandra's not even a front runner.

Paul Constable:

No, no, no, we didn't know this. And then she got a, didn't she get she's lactose intolerance, so she ends up lying down in bed because of the milk is from. The ice cream is bothering yeah they eat much ice cream.

Christel Bartelse:

I know the whole thing was just so weird, but when she FaceTimed her daughter, her daughter's, just like hi, we're married. I just I can't get over it. I cannot imagine that you would miss that day.

Paul Constable:

All I can think is maybe it was unsaid is this is like the daughter's fifth wedding and the mother's like I've had enough.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, but I don't know, I didn't get that vibe.

Paul Constable:

I didn't get that.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, it just was so weird, but and I think everyone just thought it was strange- yeah, it was very strange.

Christel Bartelse:

And can I just say well, I know you plan a wedding on average a year in advance, but even when her mom then got on, this show got accepted. Like I can't let this go, paul that's why I'm spending a little bit extra time on this that even the daughter, worst case, could say, well, we've got to push the wedding back or something. You know it shouldn't be on the daughter, but I just, I just cannot get over this. And the only reason that Gary kept Sandra around for this episode is because he felt so bad, because she's going home next time, I think.

Paul Constable:

Yeah for sure, unless she's got another kid getting married and Gary, maybe that's her ploy. She just has so many kids that are getting married over the next three weeks that he's like I can't send her home. She missed another wedding for this.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, so strange. Okay, and he went back to pickleball. Kathy and Ellen end up winning the tournament.

Paul Constable:

Yes.

Christel Bartelse:

They don't really get anything.

Paul Constable:

You actually used the term back to pickleball and it's not ironic or a metaphor, it's just. It's just.

Christel Bartelse:

it is Kathy and Ellen, they win, but they don't really win anything special. No no no, oh, they win the cover.

Paul Constable:

They get to be on the cover of oh, that's the other thing I want to talk about. There's a pickleball magazine. Come on, subscribe. It's called in pickleball. I think You're not a subscriber.

Christel Bartelse:

I might be.

Paul Constable:

If I got to beat my son I'm going to have to get some tips from there. Is a thing in it too called Dink in the ball. Like that's why they were called the dinkies. There is a term about if you come too close to the net. I think that's a dink or something, anyways.

Christel Bartelse:

Let's not. I've never played, I got to learn. Yeah, okay, so then what happens? Is we cut back to Teresa and Gary talks to Teresa and Kathy because he's kind of getting a little bit fed up. Mm-hmm deliciousness, because I think he keeps saying that Teresa is kind of what's the word I'm looking for? Naive, and that she's bragging all the time. Yeah but Gary is now actually taking Kathy saw, or sorry, no, he's taking Teresa side.

Paul Constable:

I yeah, I thought Gary came across really good here. I said he's kind of like a mix of a teacher and a minister where he listens and and gives lessons. Uh, you know, um, and his one quote was I'm beginning to see a rift here that I'm not really happy about, which I think is so different from the bachelor and parrot is like said what it what and they did what. You know what. I mean. Like it's the mature way of of approaching um, this kind of scenario versus Maybe what we're gonna see later on with uh brainen and, yeah, bachelor, actually bachelor paradise was pretty good last week.

Christel Bartelse:

Oh yeah, we've got to get to that. Uh, anyway, lizz Lee gets the one-on-one. Hmm which, um, we know, we know they have a strong connection. Gary arrives on an atv. Leslie is a little bit scared at first of of riding this, but then they start solo on their separate atvs and she's pretty nervous, but then they merge on to one atv.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, and they I always. My only thing was thank god it wasn't a car on the freeway with no headlights. That he's probably like. I'll drive anything now. Like nothing is what I just went through two weeks ago.

Christel Bartelse:

And I felt that Leslie didn't take as much time to do her hair in those perfect rings Teresa had done yeah that's true, yeah, yeah but uh, what do you think about their relationship? Because I just want to say as much as they have a nice connection, I'm still not sure how I feel about it. Like Leslie really uses her sexuality.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Christel Bartelse:

And she's a very attractive woman, but I'm just not sure if she's the right fit for Gary.

Paul Constable:

No, I don't think there's anything wrong with either of them. They're just like they're not. They're not compatible together. Perhaps I, yeah, I don't know maybe I don't think they're even quite opposites, and maybe even Gary, but Gary does seem still very clean cut, you know like he doesn't seem like in his youth. He was uh, I don't know hot to trot. What's the word you would use?

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, he wasn't like a what? Yeah, he wasn't like a rebel or a wild. I wasn't a bad boy.

Paul Constable:

He's, and so I think they are just going to be very good friends, you know, and uh, and then At like church functions, there's a bit of odd flirting that makes their partners angry but the two of them kind of like it.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, well, the only time I really saw something is even when they were in the hot tub at the very end of the day, the classic hot tub that's in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, yeah, is that like Leslie really went for that kiss? But it was like like even I was watching going. Oh my god, that's something you do in your, your 20s, like Maybe I'm dating myself.

Paul Constable:

I don't know, I don't know. I don't know how you kiss. I don't know how you kiss in your 20s and I don't know how you kiss now. Um, I know how I did, but I never was in a hot tub in the middle of the nowhere.

Christel Bartelse:

Okay, Anyway, um.

Paul Constable:

I hear you. You kind of don't, unless there's Maybe a bit of alcohol involved, and maybe there was. But yeah, usually kissing, especially the first kiss, is that Tentative kind of like. Are we sure we want to do this?

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, yeah, anyway, uh, just something to think about. So I'm not sure We'll. We'll find out if he, uh, if Leslie is one of his top three, but meanwhile, while this date is going on, this is where the rest of the gang are playing. Never have I ever.

Paul Constable:

Yes, this also was pretty. This. These were two kind of good episodes and this one was. It was insane, only for Realizing Kathy has lived inside a box for most of her life.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, so Kathy has had no experiences and didn't need to eat ice cream At all. And just for anyone who's listening, who doesn't know never have I ever. It's a game that I always enjoyed playing back in my youth. I was always the one eating the ice cream.

Paul Constable:

I can imagine. No, it was an ice cream, or wasn't it booze?

Christel Bartelse:

It was booze, it was always booze, but basically that was the traditionally. You would take a sip of alcohol. Someone says never have I ever they put something out. And then, if you've done it, you uh take a sip and we learn yes, so Kathy, never they, they were playing it with, with ice cream, I'm all over. Kathy never took a bite of ice cream, but we had which one? Was it april?

Paul Constable:

maybe that was april ate all the ice cream.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, april ate a lot ice cream, and so did sandra with the lactose intolerance and so did stefanie too.

Paul Constable:

Yes, and it's the funny thing is, doesn't matter what age it is, it's always the same questions. It's like threesome have you kissed someone the same sex? Um, have you?

Christel Bartelse:

had sex in the workplace Excellent place Sometimes it's.

Paul Constable:

For me was like sex outside. Yeah, you know it's this. It's funny how it's always there's never. Never have I ever like. Uh, put my taxes in on time.

Christel Bartelse:

I know that would be a little bit boring.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, hired a leaf blowing a company to deal with my lawn. Take a drink.

Christel Bartelse:

There we go.

Paul Constable:

Oh my god, I know I get it, it's.

Christel Bartelse:

it's gotta be like it's got to be definitely the golden bachelor version of that paul hey, but I'm gonna bring it back to sandra one more time. So now imagine your sandra's daughter watching this episode back and you're like my mom didn't make my wedding because she played pickleball. She played never have I ever. And I have to watch her and listen that she tells the world that she had sex everywhere with her husband.

Paul Constable:

That's true. Yeah, that's true.

Christel Bartelse:

That's a lot.

Paul Constable:

It is a lot, man, although Uh my mom has been that open without Uh me getting married about uh certain activities in her life and I always ask her to um skip those stories.

Christel Bartelse:

But oh wow, she's open to sharing those with you.

Paul Constable:

She likes to tell me yeah, about her sex life from time to time. I know if you're listening, you know I love you and uh, and I know that you'll keep doing it and that's fine. But if I wear this shirt, maybe the shirt will offset any sex, or this shirt will offset sex for the rest of my life.

Christel Bartelse:

I'm like go go, mrs Constable, there we go.

Paul Constable:

She's a hardon. Now back to maiden.

Christel Bartelse:

Oh, there we go. Okay, I was gonna ask if your mom has an only fans, but that's just going that's why it's weird. That is weird that is very strange, but it's okay. Okay, so uh, basically wrapping up this episode, nancy also decides to go home just because her and gary have a little bit of a conversation. He doesn't feel she's of the right fit. I think she's feeling it as well. It's always sad, but she gets sent home.

Christel Bartelse:

If they don't make a big moment out of it. And then we go to the rose ceremony and it's still Rift between Teresa and Kathy. We're not sure who's gonna go home. And then we find out that Kathy does go home, and so does april and Teresa is still in the running and I think Teresa is gonna go far.

Paul Constable:

Okay, um, yeah, no, that's interesting. I want to get to Kathy in april, uh, but first I want to say I feel like faith is falling off the radar. All right, first we kind of thought she was a super strong contender and maybe she does come back, but she seems to be Disappearing almost so who knows?

Christel Bartelse:

but yeah, I'm with you on that, but maybe it could be in the editing as well, maybe, maybe she is still a frontrunner, but from, uh, ellen.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead and say, though, between the two that go home, kathy and april, I'm like, uh, I said april probably immediately went home and got into a threesome with her neighbors because she's, but then you have the polar opposites Kathy who ate no ice cream, in april who finished the bowl, like I guess gary wants it. Kind of in between you know the two extremes.

Christel Bartelse:

So who do you think is going to be one of the front runners? You've got Ellen Faith, susan Teresa.

Paul Constable:

I think Ellen's the one who told I think it's the preview is, yeah, she's falling in love with them. That was in the show, so I think she's really moved to the front of the pack. I honest, my gut from the start was it was Faith. But I wonder if Ellen and Gary go out of this hand-to-hand Although he does seem very emotional later in episodes and perhaps because he claims he is falling for maybe the final three even Don't we see Faith go home, though?

Christel Bartelse:

Isn't there something where maybe Faith says she can't do it anymore? Did I imagine this?

Paul Constable:

No, no, I don't know, I didn't. I can't say yes or no to that, but it doesn't sound completely insane.

Christel Bartelse:

Okay, okay. I think he's also developing quite a strong connection with Susan.

Paul Constable:

Yes, yes, dark-haired Susan.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, which we also learned from the game. Never have I Ever. Susan also had some past relations with women, yeah, and.

Paul Constable:

Susan, I think if you look at his wife looks very similar to his wife. You're laughing. I hope that's.

Christel Bartelse:

No, but I said, Susan looks like Kim Jenner or like oh, yeah, yeah yeah. Or Kardashian mom.

Paul Constable:

Kylie Jenner no, that's one of the girls.

Christel Bartelse:

No, the mom, the mom Kris Jenner. I think it's Kris Jenner. I said that and you thought that that was totally outrageous that I said that. But she does look like Kris Jenner.

Paul Constable:

I don't know if I sounded like totally outrageous. It's on podcast tape, whatever that is.

Christel Bartelse:

but Okay, as we continue, I'm just going to pull up a photo.

Paul Constable:

Okay, well, let's go to Bachelor in Paradise, which I think was actually maybe my favorite show of the season so far. It was very good, I'm just.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, it was very, very good, keep talking.

Paul Constable:

Well, let's just get through it.

Christel Bartelse:

I'll tell you, after Kris Jenner and you're going to see, you're going to see. No.

Paul Constable:

I can visualize her in my mind Speaking of only fans accounts. How do you know? I don't follow her on it. I'm kidding, I don't follow anyone. We start off on Pootgate. Poor Sam has not pooed in 10 days and I don't know how quickly you want to get through this.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, I know I have to say okay, I just I'm kind of getting tired of this whole thing as well. But for everything that they built up and the fact that she hadn't had a bowel movement in that many days, I still find we never really got a solution.

Paul Constable:

No, no, I love you say bowel movement, because I once I had to go to a doctor when I was like a teenager and he'd ask me questions and I said my bowel movements are fine. He was like what? And he goes what? And I go, my bowel movements this is a doctor I'm talking to and he goes what, I go, I don't have problems taking a shit. Like I literally said that to the doctor because he was like oh okay, but I might have been nervous and mumbling, but I don't know. I was like this is my doctor.

Christel Bartelse:

He doesn't. Yeah, I'd be a little worried if the doctor doesn't know what bowel movement is.

Paul Constable:

That's what we had to call it, to be like polite around the house. He couldn't say poo or shit or crap. For you know, I'm going to Not that we would announce it, I'm going to take a bowel movement.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, who says that? Who says that? Okay, my question also in all of this, when we see Sam walking on the beach and reflecting where did this dog come from?

Paul Constable:

Oh, yeah, we did know that she brought a dog early on.

Christel Bartelse:

That was Well she didn't bring a dog. There's just a dog that's running around. It looks like a pug or a French bulldog.

Paul Constable:

Is it Jess's dog? Because at the end there's a dog eating shoes or something.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, I don't Like. That's what I'm saying. Where does this dog come from? Now you're allowed to bring your dog on Bachelor of Everything. You know what?

Paul Constable:

You just call it your. What's that thing called when you Anxiety, when you have it flying on planes, stress pad or something. It's called yeah, okay, I do like that the doctor is still dressed kind of like he's on vacation, like he's just in shorts and t-shirt, but he puts his death spilt around his neck because we're like he's a doctor.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, he doesn't. Yeah, he seems like I don't know what kind of doctor he is.

Paul Constable:

He's a poo doctor. Yeah, doctor poo, which would be like a very strange. This is all improv stuff. For me, it's like you put a stethoscope on. You're now a doctor in a scene. Right, you could be just in a t-shirt and shorts. Now you're a doctor. Doctor poo instead of doctor who?

Christel Bartelse:

There we go.

Paul Constable:

I may have to join Second City again. If the producer is listening, please give me a call, okay.

Christel Bartelse:

So, sam, the other thing I want to talk about, when it's decided that she has to leave, come to this decision. Sorry, I don't want to shame anyone for what they're wearing or whatever, but again, I just know, if I, one more time, hadn't had any movement, I definitely would not leave the beach wearing a bikini top, a long underwear with a see-through like sarong over top. I'm pretty sure I'd be leaving it. A big baggy hoodie and just getting the hell out of there. Still not a sight of bloating. I've just got a comment. It is sad that she's leaving because she hasn't had much luck, but then also, how strong is her connection with Aaron?

Paul Constable:

And also, how strong is anyone's connection with Aaron? He's a strange dude.

Christel Bartelse:

He's such a strange dude, Paul. And also, if you really really liked her, why didn't he leave with her it's not like he's got anything else going on there Like if he really was the man that really was attracted to her and really liked her and really cared for her, just go with her.

Paul Constable:

I think, yeah, and you know what, I think, even on her case there was no real attraction there. They were just kind of staying just to stay, because she too would. I mean I don't even. Well, the producers would love it for dramatic effect. I can't believe he's not willing. They just didn't seem to care either way. And but yeah, I mean, if there is you know me now, I'm all into this weird like spirituality and parallel universes and angels and stuff. Her angels were just like we're going to fill you with shit just so you can get out of there.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, yeah, it was, it was anyway. It's weird we never really heard what happened to Sam.

Paul Constable:

No, I hope there's a follow-up on that.

Christel Bartelse:

That would be very there needs to be, there needs to be.

Paul Constable:

Maybe she'll be on the final night when it's like sit on the couch and it'll literally be a three second interview and it'll be like have you food and she'll go yes. And that's it.

Christel Bartelse:

Or they bring, like a porta potty, onto the after the final roast.

Paul Constable:

Or she's probably with, like Nick Lachey now or something like that, yeah, yeah. Probably something weird.

Christel Bartelse:

Okay, so meanwhile Brayden is still very angry at Kat.

Paul Constable:

Yes.

Christel Bartelse:

And we know this, and then-.

Paul Constable:

He warns people by saying, bro, she's hungry. Because he says she's a theater, he tries to-.

Christel Bartelse:

He calls her praying mantis, essentially Okay. We have John Henry, who's from charity season. He arrives and I just wanna talk about this for a moment, because my favorite thing was that Kylie who claims she's very connected to Avan, sees her whole future with him, and says later on she doesn't wanna go anywhere else. She basically is in love with Avan. When she sees John Henry, she does think about going on a date with him. Did you catch that?

Paul Constable:

A thousand percent, and even he said he liked Kylie coming in. I thought they were just setting us up for them to get together. He seemed disappointed that she wasn't asked out. Yeah, no it's Kylie is sort of insane. I don't think you can Just I mean, I've heard people they say they fall in love after one day, and I get that, and maybe just because I've never experienced it. But I mean to say that you're gonna marry this person after one date where you're I would even get it if it was a date that wasn't on national television when you're on a ship drinking champagne, like I think if I was sitting next to Tanner on a boat drinking champagne, I'd be like I wanna do this for the rest of my life. You know what?

Paul Constable:

I mean it's like, this is awesome. So, as you and I know, you gotta go through the poop. You gotta be with the person at their worst moment, and you're a worst moment and they're best.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, she needs to make up her mind. But then John Henry asks Olivia wants to take her on a date, and then what's funny is she feels she needs to go and talk to Peter first. It's like-.

Paul Constable:

I call him weird Peter, even though I think he's the only Peter there we can call him that.

Christel Bartelse:

He's totally weird, peter. But the funny thing is is like when did she grow so attached to Peter that she's actually questioning whether she should go on a date with John Henry or not?

Paul Constable:

I think she's doing it to save face, because what's his name? Will didn't ask her right Before he went on a date, he just went off. So she's at least calling her own bluff and saying I'm gonna go talk to him first, but we everyone except Peter seems to know this is like Peter and Olivia are going nowhere. Yeah, no.

Christel Bartelse:

I get that. I think it's respectful that she did take the time to ask Peter. It's just a weird dynamic. And then of course, peter says he doesn't really want her to go, but she agrees to go on a date and then they go on to a spa and this John Henry, I mean, I'm gonna say it, he's pretty cute.

Paul Constable:

Yeah. But he's an underwater welder, which should be like a bender, Like that would be bringing the underwater welder. You know that's pretty impressive.

Christel Bartelse:

It's very impressive, because I definitely could not do that job. I'm freaking, going underwater. But they go to a spa. He's super awkward and she's kind of not into him at first, but then they seem to develop a connection, because Olivia's just all about how hot the guy is.

Paul Constable:

This was an episode for me, which is one of the reasons I semi-enjoy watching these bachelor shows is that when hot people talk to each other, you realize how vapid the conversations are. I actually did quote of Kylie and Marsati talking about Tanner and the quote is Tanner is just like so hot, Tyler's abs are abbing, Like that's what they talked about.

Christel Bartelse:

That's the extent.

Paul Constable:

That's the extent. But you know what? To their credit, they seem happy and they get on with their lives.

Christel Bartelse:

There we go, there we go. We're going to talk about friend zoning soon too, because that's coming, something I'm very familiar with. So John B also arrives. He is from charity season as well and then the first person he's interested in is Eliza, which really sends other Aaron into a spiral. Aaron is again madly in love with Eliza. Eliza, am I saying her name, right?

Paul Constable:

And Eliza was the one who last year was in her own love triangle, that with the apple guy and the other guy.

Christel Bartelse:

Rodney and something else.

Paul Constable:

Yes.

Christel Bartelse:

It doesn't OK. So Eliza and then John, they end up going on a date. I think Eliza does talk to Aaron. He says he doesn't really want her going but he doesn't want to be that controlling. So they go on a date and this is what I was talking about. Meanwhile, kylie is in love with Avan but was open to going on a date. So I just don't know what's going on with her.

Paul Constable:

Hey, if we've learned anything, you can still be in love and open to dating. I think that's going to solve. That will be the next generation's way of dealing with relationships.

Christel Bartelse:

Absolutely, absolutely. I know.

Paul Constable:

We'll all be raised on Bachelor in like F-Boy Island which, by the way, I know we shouldn't talk, but F-Boy Island is pretty amazing. I was actually sad there was only one show this week, but that's.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, I've got to. I know I'm way behind on that, I'm way behind. Ok, now we go into Sean. So, sean, and have I missed the truth box? Is that coming?

Paul Constable:

up. No, no, truth box is.

Christel Bartelse:

That's coming in a little bit OK.

Paul Constable:

So the show yeah.

Christel Bartelse:

OK. So what happens now is Sean, even though he's kind of paired up with Rachel. Yeah, he realizes that he's not really into Rachel and he's always kind of been into Jess, and he feels that if he doesn't go and talk to Jess, he doesn't know what will ever have come out of it. So he pulls Jess and Jess is kind of with Blake. African lion safari every time, and I'm just 10 minutes from African lion safari I almost should go and just I saw the sign yesterday because I was out in there.

Paul Constable:

I was only 20 minutes from where you were, dundas.

Christel Bartelse:

Why were we so close and yet so far?

Paul Constable:

I know it's the story of our lives.

Christel Bartelse:

It's too bad. It's too bad. We could have had a visit at African lion safari. We could have recorded.

Paul Constable:

Could have been kind of amazing. Next time Would have been.

Christel Bartelse:

OK. So Jess, yeah. Jess basically says to Sean look, I think you're great, but I'm not interested in you. Just so you know. And then Sean should have heard that, but he keeps talking. This is what I was like texting you about, cause I was actually getting mad. Like he keeps texting and he keeps asking her like, why? Like, just accept that someone has just said that to you.

Paul Constable:

You know what I mean. Yeah, no, I for sure. I think there's this weird when you really want something, you don't, well, you don't. You wait to hear what you want to hear, so you miss the actual signals. And that's why sometimes bluntness is a blessing and a curse Cause. If she was just, if she just could have just come out and said, or even if she just said like I'm with Blake, like I can't, I don't know what you're talking about. You know, yeah, but they're young, I get it. When you're young, you beat around the bush. You don't want to hurt feelings. And I think he was like maybe you don't get what I'm trying to say, like I want to get with you. And I look like Ken he's probably not used to a lot of rejection, but Okay.

Christel Bartelse:

And what happens is cause he's so idiotic he doesn't realize that. Jess then goes and tells Rachel or other people what Sean was doing, so now Rachel loses it. This is where we see feisty Rachel come out and Sean and Braden now have beef, because Sean accuses Braden of being the one that told Rachel that cause. Sean had also said that he wasn't really into Rachel and Braden went, I think.

Paul Constable:

Braden over her Jess talking about it like over her Jess saying and I was trying to explain to him, I just want to be his friends. And then Braden went to Rachel and, to your point, it brought back all of Rachel's season when she wasn't getting any kind of attention. She is not good at that. When she's not the focus, it's and this is another thing where I would even say I'm not a therapist by any means, but Rachel probably needs help to get through this part of why she feels this way. Probably having met her father makes sense.

Christel Bartelse:

When she doesn't get, she flips out 100%, 100% and, yeah, she just goes ballistic. But I just need to jump a little bit ahead, paul, because out of nowhere, this is what strikes up Braden and Rachel's relationship, and this we've been waiting for this.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, I kind of I was excited. It's kind of like when you're watching a TV series forever and Sam and Diane get together from cheer you know what I mean Like you're just like, well, this is the moment, but this is a real life moment that brings them together and it's all from bullshit really. Like it's just all from. All Sean did was just go up to Jess, which you and I have talked about on this show. You are going there to date multiple people. I actually am not against Sean just going. I kind of like Jess and I would regret if I didn't at least bring this up, but it does man, oh man, does it backfire?

Christel Bartelse:

Well, as soon as you're remotely somewhat linked to someone that's what makes no sense about this show right Like you arrive on the beach, you kind of have a great connection with the first person you meet. You start talking for half an hour. Someone else comes down the beach, you talk to them and then everyone's in uproar.

Paul Constable:

Speaking of your 20s. Like this happened to me from time to time where, like you know, you're out, you're being social, even at the start of the night, you're interested in someone and you feel like it's going somewhere, but then something happens and it can be like broken telephone that just another person arrives or, you know, they say something. I used to have friends that would like think they were helping me by going up to the girl they liked and going Paul's single. You know he's single and he's looking and he's really nice guy and he's, and you know I'm like no, no, don't talk me up now, lyle and look and it's gone. They're just like out the back door of the bar, they've gone through the kitchen like a cop, you know what I mean and you're just like, well, that went nowhere and that's what I feel happened to. Like you know, poor little camp. I call him Ken, but his name's Sean.

Christel Bartelse:

I don't know if I can relate to that, paul, but thank you, you're saying no man has ever ran through a back kitchen.

Paul Constable:

I actually I believe that.

Christel Bartelse:

I'm sure they have, but not that I can recall in this moment.

Paul Constable:

Maybe you just have better friends that don't like you know.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, that's true. All right, we have.

Paul Constable:

I'm thinking of letting me get that off my chest in a duck shirt.

Christel Bartelse:

I'm I've anytime, anytime. Okay, so we have the truth box. That happens as well. So the truth box is introduced by Wells, where anyone can write something and put it in the box. It's so stupid, it's like so stupid, cause you obviously will also know who wrote it. From my understanding, aaron and Braden sort of take advantage of this and just start writing all this stuff about cat.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, they do. And also Braden even says like I think cat and no, I mean Rachel and Braden should kiss. Like I mean I'm like can we check the handwriting against who wrote what you know?

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, exactly. And the other thing that was so ridiculous is that Aaron goes and smashes the box.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, Aaron S. Who's the white man? Aaron, and we was with Sam. This is more proof that he's just a strange, strange man. I did cat, even though cat is completely. She kind of goes off the rails in this episode, but she goes. This is the reason you're single at 33. Like 33 is the beyond golden bachelor of years. You know what I mean. And she's just. But I'm like it's one of the few things I've agreed with with cat Like Aaron's just weird and strange and angry.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, yeah, the whole thing was weird. He just looks like an idiot. You know also, wells is not happy with him at all, and why do you want to get Wells on your bad side? Like the whole thing was just weird.

Paul Constable:

Cat was. Now cat flips out because they're talking about Braden and how she was with Braden, but now she's with Tanner. And my favorite quote, and I put it in all caps, is she goes why are we still talking about something that happened days ago, Like days ago, like she doesn't talk about World War II. She doesn't talk about, like, what we've learned from presidential elections in the past. She's just like that was three days ago. We need to move on.

Christel Bartelse:

I kind of wish I lived like that. Yeah, yeah.

Paul Constable:

I know.

Christel Bartelse:

I know, all right. Well then we have Braden and Rachel make out.

Paul Constable:

Yeah.

Christel Bartelse:

They formed. Now they're really into each other. So they've formed this new thing and cat.

Paul Constable:

Should we call them Braden or Braden?

Christel Bartelse:

Oh, that's good, I like Braden.

Paul Constable:

Okay.

Christel Bartelse:

I like. Braden yeah, and then cat continues to be so annoying.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, I thought you'd frozen. I thought Kitchener had given up on us there. Um, no, she's super annoying and it looks like spoiler alert next year, next week, which is last night. So we'll get caught up quick. Uh, she raises that to a new level. Sean, at the very end of the episode, is starting to hit the tequila hard and I give him credit, like he's like if I'm going out, I'm going out and having fun. But I said wouldn't it be ironic if he couldn't stop pooping because of this? Like if the tequila somehow, like did the opposite effect to him and he just has to go to the bathroom all the time and it balanced the karma. But then then these legs show up, these female legs, and maybe Sean has a bit of a lifeline on, uh, on the Rose ceremony. Maybe he's going to stick around.

Christel Bartelse:

We I know. Do you? Do you have any idea who it is?

Paul Constable:

I was really hoping it was Crystal Bartelsi, but I don't. I think you would. Even you wouldn't have kept that from me.

Christel Bartelse:

Wouldn't that have been amazing, though, like literally, if I was on the show, it didn't tell you. And then, no behold.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, I don't. I have no idea who it could be. Um, it could be. You know who it could I'm this is. My only guess is, although she's on that villain show. Remember, there was the really uh, angry blonde one that came back a few times and there's like there's like a villains reality show out there right now with people from like Survivor and all that stuff.

Christel Bartelse:

Oh, okay, no, I just had a thought. Who it is? I think it's Katie. I think it's Katie, the standup she now is doing, standup comedy. She was the bachelorette.

Paul Constable:

Like the one who's on F boy Island.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, yes, because I'm going to tell you something. I read it. I saw this stupid article pop up the other day and I fell for it. It was like 25 things to know about Katie, and she said one of the things was I got the casting notice for BIP and F boy Island. Is she on that At the same time? And I have a feeling she's on both of them?

Paul Constable:

That's sort of. That's amazing, that's like. That's like someone being in the marvel in my mind, the marvel universe and the DC universe at the same time. But I'm like you can't do that, you can't cross.

Christel Bartelse:

Because, member, she comes down, we do. We did see her in the preview and then she's being engaged to Blake.

Paul Constable:

Right, right. So yeah, all this, I mean more poop gate. Part two, there we go. At least it's not literal poop gate.

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, yeah.

Paul Constable:

Metaphorical poop gate. It's next week, which is last night, which I think I'm going to watch. I think right after this. To be honest, braden and Rachel continue to fall in love and Braden gets really, really annoying. Yeah, confident Braden is not a good Braden.

Christel Bartelse:

No, we don't. We don't like him. We liked him just as he was right now, but now he's going to be very annoying again. I just want to say one last comment. It was so ridiculous with cat. Cat was going on a tangent, all about Aaron and had it played like we could hear it everywhere.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, she was yelling. Yeah, no, she was, she was loud.

Christel Bartelse:

But she's a terrible person, like she's doing nothing for herself to make herself look good in any way.

Paul Constable:

No, and there's going to be. No, there's no learning. Remember how we were like? Braden seemed to have a bit of a learning experience from this and we actually started to like him. There wasn't any of that for her, but, to maybe our delight, it is cat's birthday, but Davia comes in next week and seems to have eyes for Tanner.

Christel Bartelse:

Oh, yes, yeah.

Paul Constable:

Looks like another tradition on Bachelor of Paradise. Every cake gets wrecked on Bachelor of Paradise. Once you see a cake, it's not lasting. We have not talked about this season, though no one seems to have hit up the boom boom room.

Christel Bartelse:

I don't know if they took that away.

Paul Constable:

Maybe, yeah, maybe it's just covered in that like boy band managers.

Christel Bartelse:

I don't know because, but you think that maybe Ava and Kylie have hit it up, or you know it's weird and then the only thing I'm jumping back to Bachelor sorry, golden Bachelor. But what I'm kind of dreading is the fantasy sweet dates with Gary and the women. I just don't know how that's going to go.

Paul Constable:

Yeah, no, I know, I know we have to accept that it will happen and we have to accept that we're going to see that like, but they're going to have fun with it somehow, because they're going to not only show, like a do not disturb key sign, but they're also going to like, put like I don't know milk, something that helps you sleep. You know, I don't know, you know what?

Christel Bartelse:

I mean, we'll see.

Paul Constable:

Dense, like a glass where you put your dentures next to the bed.

Christel Bartelse:

I don't want to see any of this. I'm not sure that's what I mean. I don't know if I can handle it.

Paul Constable:

You'll be fine. I think I still want to go back to the idea that the boom boom room just turned into a crime scene last season and they were like let's just burn this place down.

Christel Bartelse:

I don't know what happened. We should really reach out and see what's going on.

Paul Constable:

Find that resort too. Like I mean, although maybe we don't want to see it up close, it's kind of like remember we talked about you can rent the Bachelor house, but yeah, falling apart?

Christel Bartelse:

Yeah, all right. Well, it was a fun one. Can't wait to see what happens next. Thank you so much for your brilliant shirt. That really made my day. Always fun to talk, and thanks to our listeners.

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